A World of Speculation

Harper’s Magazine gives a helpful list of “theme funerals” (“staging areas”) for that loved one whose identity was something outside himself.

Was he a pilot? Rent a hangar at the local airport and have local pilots fly out of the hangar and line up their planes in order of the age of the craft.

Banker? “Rent a local bank or use your local branch. Set up on the officers’ side of the building, and make sure the window blinds are closed. Still gives the family some privacy.”

Go-cart enthusiast? “Only during the spring and summer, after closing hours. Excellent viewing location. The visiting family and friends use go-carts. Dress the loved one in a car-racing suit.”

Couch potato? “Loved one is laid out near a La-Z-Boy lounger, with television, remote control, and faux cigar in the ashtray.”

But why stop at Wal-Mart or the zoo? A mystery buff could be laid out in the study in a faux crime scene, with tape marking the floor beneath him. Guests could portray detectives, crossing police tape for the viewing.

For a swimmer, rent the local pool and put in the swimmer in a dead-man’s float. Have a poolside barbecue for the guests.

For an Out West setting, lean the loved one back in a chair with his feet on the table, his hat pulled over his eyes and a royal flush (ace of spades high) in his hand. Guests could toss “bets” on the table as they go to the bar for whiskey.

Anybody else want to play?

I picked this up from Maud Newton.