I’ve confessed recently to a short attention span. It was longer, once upon a time, and I’m glad I took the opportunity when I had it to read the Silmarillion. If my attention span ever gets longer again, I might read it again.

In the meantime, J. the Honourary Canadian gives us the Silmarillion in 1,000 words. Here’s the opening:

AINULINDALE:

ILUVATAR: Ahem.

AINUR: Wow! Existence!

ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA!

AINUR: LA LA LA!

ILUVATAR: LA LA!

AINUR: LA LA!

MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM!

AINUR: Um. . . la?

ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA!

MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop!

ILUVATAR: LA, dammit.

MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom.

AINUR: . . .

ILUVATAR: Right, you’re out of the band.

MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway.

AINUR: . . .

ILUVATAR: What are you waiting for?

AINUR: Oh. Right. Newly created world. Sorry. Great jam session, big guy!

ILUVATAR: Yeesh.

It’s all there, right to the very end:

RING: *melts*

SAURON: AUGH!

MORDOR: BOOM.

GONDORIANS: *change calendar*

ELROND, GALADRIEL: Road trip!

GANDALF: Hi Cirdan! Still got your ring!

CIRDAN: Cool. Let’s go to Valinor!

Source: Boing Boing